Showing Up & Goodbye WTFPod

I listened to the final episode of WTFPod on the way to Santa Fe last week (Airpods plugged in, daughter yelling along with Bluey from the seat behind me). It was the first time I’ve listened to a podcast in quite a while. The structure of my life (working from home, taking care of kids) doesn’t have as much room for them as it once did.

Marc Maron’s interview with Barack Obama ended up hitting close to home. Obama spoke about knowing your values and beliefs as being foundational for building connections and having meaningful conversations, which is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. The core of his point (and Maron chimed in as well) was that having that foundation lets you have difficult, meaningful conversations and there’s a vulnerability to earnestness that helps others listen.

They talked about in-person connection and what we’ve given up by adopting social media. How we see only narrow slices of people and not their contradictions or the unspoken goodness that might only show up in close proximity. I’ve been thinking about this a lot as well. Living in a suburban bubble, I’ve felt the weight of how few unmediated interactions I have anymore.

I know I need a community — and that I’d have something to give back, too. I’m not alone in this. I’ve read a dozen articles this year about how we’ve become an introverted society. Doing something about it is a whole other challenge.

It feels like a core leverage point. If we want things to get better, to live in a world that’s closer to our ideals, we’ve got to start talking to one another again - vulnerable, in-person, not hiding behind a screen. I haven’t gotten in an internet fight in a long time, but I haven’t engaged with the physical world much either. So I’ve got to change.

I found some meetups. Board games, nature walks, random stuff that is at least painless on the surface. So I’m forcing myself to show up. To talk, to listen, to try. If only so my kids see what trying looks like.

I wouldn’t say it was the best WTFPod episode ever, but it reminded me of Obama’s decency and why Maron has always appealed to me. The former made me sad. It was comforting in the moment, but wrapped up in loss as well. Decency is depressingly underrated.

Maron though… I think he’s wired into one of the ideals I’m striving for - to lead with vulnerability. It doesn’t have to be trauma dumping (although he’s done that from time to time), but he’s been a great example of seeing someone be open and enabling others to share that openness with him. I’ll miss his show for that. I wish more disaffected guys would have plugged into that energy instead of mainlining Joe Rogan.

Yeah, Rogan gave people a community, but it’s an aggrieved one that’s mostly defined by its contrarianism and devaluing of decency. There’s a weird vulnerability to the psychology of the manosphere that’s obvious from a distance. “Oh, this is for people who are hurting or empty in some way.” But the manosphere would never admit that.

A younger version of me would have rolled his eyes that I’m writing about decency and vulnerability being the building blocks for the world I want. Luckily, he grew up and knows how to admit he was wrong.